chill out

Ahh the mind ticks overtime….. One of my fish died (I have tropical fish), I got sick and everything seems really boring at the moment. I started thinking about the pets and the people that have died… what life means and the variety of experience that you can get in life. I started to contemplate all the usual ways of filling my time. I could start practicing the harmonica, exercise, go out, drink to excess, meditate, read, join the SES (state emergency service) or write but none of that is likely to float my boat. What ails me is deeper than that.

I came across a zen website that made sense to me. It cut through my haze and got me thinking about what would really make me happy. I’m not keen on having kids which seems to be the way that most of my friends are following. I think I have been focusing too much on ‘doing’. I think about how I can make my life better… more fun. Every time I see people in worse shape than me, severe disabilities, homelessness and just the absolute shit that life can throw at you I realize that I have nothing to complain about. Don’t get me wrong I know I’m whinging and the blog world is full of people who think that the world owes them, this is how I’m feeling now.

Alcohol won’t make me happy, business won’t make me happy, sex won’t make me happy (well maybe a little happy, but not as a life mission). I think I’m pushing too hard to extract meaning from things that have no meaning. Time to shut the brain down. I’m thinking too much, I need to just go with the flow.

To quote the website that got me thinking (http://www.deansluyter.com/pages.cfm?id=177);

No beer left.
I'll sit and drink
The sky.
- Josh Feuer
Pushing, Pulling, and Freedom

This one change changes everything. As we gradually learn to leave off distractedness and rest in openness, we stop looking for fulfillment outside of the way things already are. Till now we've gone through life pushing and pulling - trying to push the undesirable away from us and pull the desirable toward us. It's such an entrenched habit that we persist even when there's no payoff, when it only creates frustration. Stuck in the traffic jam, we keep trying to push the cars out of the way with our mental bulldozer; spotting the luscious babe (or hunk), we keep trying to extend our mental tendrils and pull her (or him) within copulation range.

But resting in openness, free from the agitation of pushing and pulling, we can just witness the situation. This doesn't mean to suppress our anger at the traffic if it arises or our lust for the babe if it arises, for those arisings are also part of the situation we're witnessing. But it means we don't get lost in the arisings either, don't fixate on them.

Elevate the scope of 360-degree global awareness.
- Lama Surya Das

To be open is to be receptive to all 360 degrees of our experience, not stuck in the five or ten degrees where we're pushing or pulling.


At the end of the day I need to chill out.

skirting around the issue

I've turned down a few free drinks and eats over the last week. This is not like me at all. I have a reputation for being able to find a free beer tab (and making the most of it). It's not that I'm lacking Chrissy cheer (although that has never been my strong point) it's more that drinking heaps around work colleagues is not good for me. It's only a matter of time before I cross the line and push my luck too far.

I keep wanting to squeeze all the life out of life. The trouble is most of the impulses I have are counter productive to long term happiness. At the moment I want to sell everything and go over seas and explore the world. Instead I'll be doing the home renovations. What I really need is to make a save point in my life so I can make a decision, see where it goes then reload at an earlier point if it isn't what I want to do. The older I get the more chicken I get. I'm way more confident in general but I tend to play it really safe. At some point I'm just going to bust out in a big way. It could be this holidays (although I tend to chill out a lot more when I'm not at work). It's building tho. Not sure when or where but I'm just going to go crazy on something. The holidays will probably be the time.

We got to go for a walk through a rain forest on the weekend. Nature is amazing. I think most of people's disatisfaction with life stems from being diconeccted from nature. Most of the hippies I know are really happy, they always make time to get back to nature. The more unhappy people are the less they seem to vibe on nature (or they do vibe on nature but just nver get to see it). After a few hours int he forest I lost the edge that I had be carrying for the last week. It just went away.

My year long struggle with Victory blinds (useless barstards) is over. We have our blinds and got $420 off the price. It caused us all manner of stress and suddenly the stress has gone. Rock and roll!

Tags: blogging

Tags: life

Great day

My motivation levels are soaring. At the moment I'm in a stream of energy and the universe looks great. Everything is as it should be and I'm excited to be here. I've had some great talks about writing over the weekend with some friends (although there was little writing done). I think talking about it is more fun than actually doing it (except for those moments where you turn out something that is really good).

This river of good feelling is like a tap that gets switched off and on. Give me a day or two and the world will look yellow and dry. The people will be mean and I will be bored. After I get bored i will start to drink, then I'll feel bad about myself, then I'll decide to straighten out, then the Universe will become all bright and sparkely.

I've started to count down to holidays. Two weeks and I will be off for three weeks. Already I can feel the excitement and joy that comes from having heaps of your own time to do with as you please. More diving, more hammock time and just more of me space.

My wise words for today;
Follow your biological necessities, don't think about things too much and it's all OK. Too much thought is the enemy of happiness, that's why meditation is so good for you. It's nice driving around in a body that has a default setting for happiness, it sucks we live in a society that seems to try and do everything it can to make you unhappy.

Naked people make me happy!

Tags: life

Ideal job #9 Cryptozoologist

This would fit well with the Indiana Jones day dreams and Ideal Job number 5 Deep Sea explorer. You get the chance to travel the world, listen to stories of strange and unusual creatures then try and find one of them. I imagine that the actual joy of finding one of these creatures would be few and far between but you could have a lot of fun looking. The link (in the heading) is to an article about an actual Cryptozoologist from Wired.

I borrowed the picture from http://www.silverbulletcomicbooks.com/ I hope you don't mind.

Tags: life

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advice from drunk creative people

I was at a party on the weekend. It was the same crowd that run the art gallery that I mentioned a few posts back. Strangely enough I was the sober one at the party (a rare feat indeed) so I could actually engage in meaningful conversation. I decided to pick the brains of the most active creative people I know.

I decided to find out how they do it. How they manage to create art that sells, run an art gallery, create an art festival that has been running for a few years and in some cases have community radio stations all while having kids and studying.

The essence of their responses;
· Be open to circumstances as they arise. Don’t fight it. Take the opportunities that come your way

· Work out the difference between things they enjoy thinking about doing and things that they actually enjoy doing. Focus on doing the things that you enjoy doing. If you only enjoy thinking about doing a particular thing then only think about it.

· Be light about your thoughts – don’t take yourself too seriously or get too wrapped up in your own thoughts.

It’s all pretty obvious stuff but it is easily forgotten.

Tags: life

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Indiana Jones

Monday morning at work…. 48 minutes of web browsing, so far.

The primary draw back on feeling excited about life is burying your excitement at work. You need to sit still and do very dull things rather than run around in the sunshine and sing loudly. We went to an Arabian Nights party on the weekend. All the girls had their bellies out, they looked good. It was a fun night but I paid for it the following day.

I’m currently experiencing surges of joy. I want to scream out and run around. I just need expend some fucking energy on something. Life is full of possibilities and just amazing things which I want to partake in… but … I’m losing it in my little office. i should tear off my clothers and run through the office naked then never return here again.

At this point in time I want to be Indiana Jones..... I want to be among some ancient ruins.... then later on head into some crazy city to drink cheap beer and eat food I can't identify.

Tags: life

Dream Job #8 Magazine editor (black and white preferably)

Why?

You get to read interesting article submissions all day. I could ask people to write about the things that I'm interested in. I would have a magazine to read in which all the articles would be the ones I wanted. Every day you get to immerse yourself in interesting topics and information. Your job is to keep your finger on the pulse and have interesting things to say.

If the magazine was black and white I could also get paid to look at arty nudes. There are worse ways to earn a living. Are we detecting any reoccuring themes yet?

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Tags: life

The experiment

Introduction:
It started with getting my dive licence. My wife was off visiting her home land and a friend of mine dragged me out to do something that I have wanted to do since I was about 10 years old. My PADI certification gave me a buzz for a few weeks. The next thing I stumbled upon was 43things.com. I set myself some goals that I had fooled around with over the last few years (unsuccessfully). This kicked off the experiment.

Hypotheses:
1 Clean living will improve the quality of my life
2 I can have fun within the bounds of acceptable normal/moral behaviour.
3 I can alter my reality and make it what I want

The Experiment:

This blog, my new found internet life and my drive towards all things good and pure are part of the experiment. I am the test subject, the poor bunny getting cosmetics rubbed into it's eyes.

1 Stopping smoking and regular exercise are key to the clean living goals. The move from heavy drinking, heavy smoking party boy to non-smoking, medium drinking party boy
2 Life can be driven by lust and the urge to wipe ones self out whenever the opportunity presents itself. Life appears to be really boring without these distractions. The goal is to build up my life outside of these activites so they become less important to me. I'm also engaging in regular meditation to keep me on a more even keel.
3 Reality is limited by what you believe it to be. I was in danger of going to work, going home, watching tv, going to sleep, repeat. Weekend comes then drink, drink, drink, smoke, smoke, smoke. The plan is to step outside of my normal activites and seek out new things to do.


The results:
1 Up... down.... up.... down..... it's all a bit much. The smoking roller coaster is the worst part. I have more energy, too much energy in fact. In a flash this energy can convert to anger and quick as a flash turn back into enthusiasm for life. Today is Friday and I'm thinking there may be some smoking on the weekend. My evil brain is already coming up with reasons to start.
2 I'm doing the Lomography and blogging which has been great fun. All moral and acceptable but i keep wanting to put an interesting edge in there.... some nude lomography work sounds interesting. All I need to do now is get my articles published ;-)
3 I've shattered my old routine, which has been fantastic. I am feeling more satisfied with my life. The draw back is the quest for more seems to be on the increase. I'm looking for more outlets....

Could my quest to do and be more be the source of mental disquiet?

Tags: life

How to be aware of your life.

Last night I realised just how much of my time was spent thinking about things that had nothing to do with the next thirty minutes of my existence. All my mental space was being devoted to the past or to the future. How about sparing some mental cycles for my current time and space?

Is it bad to have unrealistic daydreams... I'm always thinking of how to make my life better. I keep looking for a little more of this or a little more of that.... if I could just do this or that, then my life would be perfect.


Thinking like that is a complete waste of time and energy.


I've decided to try a little experiment. When by brain is off floating around I'm not going to dwell on the past or scheme into the future (pleasant day dreams I'll keep up). I'm gonna look at what I can do now or think purely for enjoyment (not with a goal).

The only trouble with this plan is when something interesting appears my brain runs around like an excited puppy and is off the lead before i can say 'boo'. Someone makes an offhanded comment about me and I'll end up thinking about it for a few hours.

I'm going to start the experiment now.... oh look a bright shiny thing

Tags: blog

Tags: life

ideal job #6 - Book reviewer

This job sounds like a really good deal. You are given a book, you lie in a hammock until you read it, churn out a few hundred words and move onto the next book. Combine this with movie reviewer and I might earn enough to live off. Any job that can be done from a hammock rates high in my list of ideal jobs... I've even got my own hammock (if anyone is looking for a book reviewer).

Ideal Job #5 - Deep Sea Explorer

There is no fixed job title for this one. Be it oceanographer, marine biologist, cartographer or treasure hunter I want a little sub that can go really deep. Apparently there is only one functional deep ocean submersable. These little babies are extremely expensive to build and operate. I want to go looking for live Giant Squid and get footage of a sperm whale eating giant squid. For me it is one of the last great frontiers on earth. Finding a way to stay at depth for a long period of time would be great. You get to explore and work with amazing bits of equipment and you wil see things that noone has seen before.....that would be cool. The Trieste went to 7 miles in the 1960's. I can see myself posing for a shot on my little sub.